I need somewhere to vent. That why I’m writing this. For all purposes, this is a rant.
I don’t know. I’m really angry now. My dad is acting more and more irrational each day. There’s a limit to criticise anyone or anything. After that, they’ll reach a breaking point, right?
Yes, so I love my Dad and everything. But, he never values anything I say or do. Everything I achieve is nothing for him. And today he kept telling me that my dreams are a just dreams and to be more practical. He scolded me, saying I’m too selfish, and that I never help anyone. Then, he told me that I’m self-obsessed and that I hate everyone of my cousins and family. (That’s because they hate me! Not the other way round!)
He called me ‘an anti-social brat’ who doesn’t know to be friendly. He doesn’t know my story, the one I kept to myself, and so he has no right to judge me.
Sure, I get it, he has his own problems. A bad childhood, in which he formed a sort of God-like devotion to his elder brother, who was his kind of saviour. And now, health problems and all.
But, there’s a limit, right?
And it’s like he has a kind of ego complex. My parents are always fighting. I mean, if they just can’t adjust, can’t they just divorce?
Why should they keep living together if they only hate each other?
It gets maddening at times and I keep longing for my senior year to end, so then I can go to college, leaving all this behind.
My mum told me that, once my senior year ends, she’s going to go and pursue her dream of joining LSE as a doctoral student, if they admit her, that is. It was her life-long dream, and one which she abandoned for mine and my dad’s sake, so we could all live in the same place.
My mum’s not exactly helping either. She keeps complaining about my Dad and tells all her problems to me. I can’t exactly blame her, because she has no other family left. No one who cares, that is.
But, all this sometimes becomes too much for a 16-year old girl, who has no siblings, no nice cousins and classmates who think of me as some sort of happy, cheerful girl, who lives a perfect life on a cloud of cotton candy. That’s just it, they don’t know the real me, just a fake, happy persona that I assume.
I’m kind of afraid to actually confide in those three people, whom I consider my best friends, not because I don’t trust them, but because I’m scared they’ll judge me. But, I might, someday. About everything, including my dark past. Someday, when I’m more confident.
I needed to vent to someplace, where no one will judge me. That’s why I wrote this post.