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Sun, Sand, Stars and Dreams

The chronicles of a misfit Indian teen

Category

depression

School, exams and other (in)significant things

So I thought of writing this today considering that the CBSE Class 12 exam results were out yesterday. Class 12 exams are the school leaving exams and altogether considered a big deal in India.

It is considered so much of a huge thing that relatives, Uncles and Aunties you never knew existed will dutifully phone you up on the result day to ask your exams and then pass some remark like, oh, XYZ got more. Even that uncle who usually ignores you on the street, the maid servant, and the flower seller lady, turn out to be terribly curious about it.

Honestly, it is a terrible time for the kids in question. Two years back, in 2014, when I was the one facing the same line of invasive questioning, it went to, ah, not bad marks, but you could have definitely scored better. I didn’t really care about it, because one, Indians are usually not prone to giving out praises easily, and two, I was on cloud nine. I had done really well, as far as I was concerned, scoring an overall percentage in the 90s.

All that happiness was literally sucked out of me, when my college application got stuck in a mound of Indian red tape, and only high-level recommendation could make it move any further. Especially considering I had planned on only writing the law entrance and getting into a law college (which again didn’t work out, as it was not fated for me) and had not given much thought in applying to Commerce/Business colleges.

That incident caused me a great deal of disillusionment, especially at that point where I realised that all those marks and merit had been for nothing.

And yet, Indian students practically live in fear of the dreaded Class 12 Board exams. That last one year of school is reduced to a haze of school, tuitions, extra coaching classes, classes for cracking various college entrance exams, and so on and so forth. The poor student is left with barely enough time to breathe, which eventually leads to a burnout. It is an extremely competitive rat race, because what is in line is not the student’s career prospects, rather a sort of status symbol for the parents.

I can still hear my aunt yelling at my cousin for not studying enough in his crucial school year, which thankfully ended now. This, considering that the poor kid woke up at 5am each day for tuitions before school, then school, and then tuitions again till 6pm, and also went for entrance exam coaching class during the weekends from 9am to 5pm.

I must confess I felt rather guilty about it, because his mother did all that so that he could get at least a percent more than I did. Because how much ever you ignore it, the Indian obsession with the what-will-others-think syndrome is very much there. The very same thing that makes parents push their children towards professions like engineering or medicine whether or not the children want to.

When I hear all these anecdotes, I cannot help but think back to my last year of school. It was one of the best years of my life. I had an amazing set of friends, I participated in a good many events and programmes, I went on day trips to many places across the city considering that it was also my last year there. I never went for any sort of tuitions or extra classes, nor did my school keep any. I went to school from 7am to 1pm, came home and relaxed. I watched a lot of movies, read a good many books, and so on. Honestly, I got around to actually studying for these exams when there was just about two weeks left. Yet, I passed, and scored as much as the one who forewent all of the above mentioned fun activities.

Maybe it was because I lived in the Middle East, away from all the pressures of India, although I did study in an Indian CBSE school and write the same exams as the ones in India.

But, I think it was more because of my parents. I may not get along well with my father, but I have much to be grateful for. They did not seem to bother much about me studying 24/7. They were more easy-going. They want me to succeed in my life, but they don’t believe that grades alone script a success story. And they do support me even now, after I decided to pursue an undergraduate degree in business, despite studying science in school. I know quite a number of friends, who pursued engineering because everyone else was, and they are miserable. I might be miserable in a way, but I do not regret not pursuing engineering.

But, what I wished to say in this post was this. You do you the best. Marks and grades do not really matter in the long run. Only passion and faith does. Good luck! 🙂

Alive and kicking

Hello world!

*peeps out from under the rock she has been hiding under*

It is nearly mid-March, but I haven’t put up a proper post yet.
Why? You might wonder. It is not because I was bored of it. Far from it, I was frightened of boring you all to death.

It has become a routine now. I have some really bad things happening in life, I disappear off the blogosphere, and come back a few days later, while telling how bad things were.

A while later, something worse happens, and then I believe it is the end of the world.

This has turned into a well-worn old cassette/record.

I came back out to write this post, for the main reason that this time is different.

I am currently going through one of the worst phases in my life, as of now. My world has turned topsy-turvy. Things I never thought will happen to me, took place. My dad fell really sick, I got into deep trouble in college just because I had an independent individualistic streak in me. I don’t want to elaborate because I really don’t want to dwell on it.

It has come to a point where the things going on in my life seem a bit too much for me. A sort of only rainclouds, no sunshine phase.

Last time something of a slightly lesser intensity came to pass, I fell back into severe depression. Sort of like those dark days.

But, this time, I have stayed strong till now. There has been a feeling of helplessness, hopelessness, because this time, the issues weighing on my mind are far worse.

I can’t say it is back to normal now. But, this too shall pass. I am still continuing to stay strong, and continuing with life.

~SunSandStarsAndDreams

 

P.S. I apologise if this post did not make much sense. Also, for the countless spelling and grammatical errors.

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